Good days

In this life where pain cycles in and out like a series of thunderstorms, my recent days have been good ones. I realized last week that a heart can break only so many times, and the body can take only so much misery, over the same unchangeable circumstances. I’ve set up a kind of emotional detour that is now channeling my thoughts and feelings into more productive areas. When I run into something that reminds me of him, instead of going the route of melancholic regret, I am taking the path of detached acceptance and becoming more and more comfortable with it. It seems better to leave certain roads untraveled while they are broken, battered, and under repair.

I no longer feel that I’m being deprived of something. I’m settling back into myself as deeply as possible, feeling my own strength and fullness. Externally and internally, I have countless reasons not to be unhappy. On the big side: good health, financial stability, a loving family, friends who care, and a beautiful community in the lovely state of Oregon. On the smaller side: a new short hairstyle, daffodils in the living room, ice cream in the freezer, crossword puzzles, and notebooks full of writing.

Above all is the knowledge that I have a lot to share with the world, and just because one person has chosen not to share with me anymore, it doesn’t mean that I’m stuck. That is the simplest and most powerful statement I can make right now.

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