Crossword puzzles

Lastnight I did a crossword puzzle. Usually when I fill in those squares I write my letters neatly and deliberately, placing them in the center of the box without covering up the little number in the corner. Only yesterday did it hit me how silly that is. I am such a perfectionist that I try to show off even when there’s nobody to see it.

Those of you who know me well can understand that this is symptomatic of my Perfectionist’s Disease. I want everything in my life to be neat. I don’t want to expose any vulnerabilities. I have a hard time accepting that things don’t always work out the way we want them to. But this is no way to live. Life is messy, people are messy, relationships are messy. We should embrace all of it and appreciate the good things when we have them.

So lastnight I abandoned my attempts to form perfect letters in the center of crossword boxes. I just wrote. And you know what? It still turned out neatly. My hope is that this metaphor will someday apply to my whole life. I aspire to just live, without worrying. A good friend has helped me to realize this over the last few months. Thank you. I may never fully get there, but I’m working on it.

(Yes, this is corny. Give me a break.)

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